Posted by: Susan Stackpole | December 24, 2008

What You THINK You Want Is a Lie – Learn How To Get What You REALLY Want

Hi People!  Happy 2009!  I’ve deemed it “Year To Shine”… so twinkle, twinkle like the big, bright, beautiful star you are!


Okay – so why is what you THINK you want a lie?

I bet some of you are thinking “Who is she to tell me what I want is a lie?  She doesn’t even know me.”  Well, read on…

This exercise works best on paper, though you can do it your head as well…  Grab a sheet of paper and something fun to write with – it can even be a crayon.  This is a dreaming exercise, so be daring !!!

First – Write down (or think of) three things that you REALLY want.  If you had these three things, you would be very happy in your life.  Write them down, and leave a bit of room in between them.  You’ll see why in a moment.  Take your time.  Make them as bold and grand as possible – as if you can reach out and touch them.  Pretend a genie has come to just grant your wishes, and you only get three.  DREAM BIG, people.  This is YOUR LIFE we are talking about.

Do you have them?  Are you excited about these things?


Now …write down all the reasons why having these things will make your life complete.  For instance…  you might write – if I had a new job, I would be happier at work and more productive, which would boost my confidence and make me a better spouse, friend, etc.  Be very descriptive in how your wishes would enrich your life.  Write down a detailed description for all three.  Keep dreaming big!

Did you do that for all three?


Next …Think about the feelings that having each of those three things you really want is going to give you.  For instance, returning to the job idea …having a new job would make me happy, confident, financially secure, safe, etc., etc., etc..  Take your time, and really think about all the feelings each thing would give you.



Pens/Pencils/Markers/Crayons down.  Ready to know why those THINGS you think you want aren’t really it?  Okay – here goes.

See that list of feelings you want?  Those are REALLY what you want.  Think about it for a second.  The only reason we usually want someTHING is because of the FEELING it’s going to give us.  I dare you to dispute this and welcome any compelling arguments to the contrary.

Okay – now that you are on board with knowing you want THINGS so you can FEEL something, let’s go to the next step.

We want things because we think we need to have permission to feel.  I will say that again – we want things because we think they will give us permission to feel whatever it is we think we are lacking.  You may be wondering what I mean.  For instance – going back to the job.  If having a new job would make you feel financially secure, safe, being a good provider, happy, etc., I would imagine you would also feel worthy/deserving as well.  So, isn’t is safe to say, if you already felt financially secure, safe, being a good provider, happy, etc. that these feelings would no longer be dependent on getting this new job?  What if you allowed yourself to feel those things now?  You may be thinking I’m crazy, asking “How in the world do you expect me to feel those things now when I’m struggling?”  Well, what if I told you, feelings something is just a matter of giving yourself permission to do so.  Yes, it literally is that simple…  a few examples…

Let’s say someone new comes into your life, and you really adore this person.  As a matter of fact, you loooouuuuuvvveeee this person.  I’m talking bouncing off the walls, can’t think straight, thinking them leaving the toothpaste cap off is cute love.  One night, you are at dinner, and this person that you looooouuuuvvvvveeee reaches across the table, grabs your hand, and gazes deeply into your eyes, saying, “I love you.”  Do you feel differently?  Sure you do.  Your “lovability” has just been validated.  What has changed in your life?  Your FEELING about yourself.  In actuality, the only thing that really changed is someone said something to you, and you attached meaning to the words they said.  I’m sure, if a biker bought you a beer, and said “I love you, man”, you would attach a much different meaning than your sweetie gazing lovingly into your eyes, saying “I love you.”

Another example – find or imagine a black and white picture of a couple dressed in their Sunday best.  This photo is at least 80 years old and crinkled.  You notice the couple is in their wedding attire.  Does this change the feeling you have about the picture?  What if I told you the couple were your great, great grandparents?  How do your feelings about the photo change?  See – suddenly knowing they might be your relatives shifts your perception and ultimately the way you feel.

Pretty cool, huh?

How about this …by giving yourself permission to feel whatever it is you want these things to help you feel, you will attract them to you much quicker. (-:  Yes, it’s true – if you don’t believe it, do it and see what happens; however, you must FEEL as if you already have it – no doubting, otherwise it won’t work.  Allow yourself to feel powerful and successful and loved and worthy and fabulous NO MATTER what is going on around you, and watch how the world begins to shift.

Now that you have this new found knowledge, what are you going to do with it?  Hopefully, your mind is taking all this in, and you are already feeling better – sitting a little straighter in your chair, breathing deeper, and feeling wonderful.

To recap…

What we want is a lie because we don’t want THINGS, we want the FEELINGS we THINK those things are going to give us.

Give yourself PERMISSION to FEEL what you want NOW, and the things you desire are destined to show up in your life.

REMEMBER – the reason you are seeking something is this – that which you are seeking is also seeking you.  It’s already on it’s way – so sit back, relax, and enjoy!

…next time – how shifting your beliefs massively impacts your results.

…you can find more information

please feel free to contact me with any questions, comments, suggestions, etc.  I most especially welcome spelling/grammar corrections as sometimes I miss them.

Thank You for reading!


Interested in eradicating limiting beliefs and creating new empowering ones?  Hire Susan as your personal life coach and results expert!  Send an email to for more information.



  1. Hi Susan,

    I like how you have taken this paradox, what you think you want vs what you really want, and turned it into a feedback loop. You are saying that in order to experience what you think you want first extrapolate the state of consciousness by moving into the state/feeling and ride that feedback loop until you see results. Right?

    This technique sounds very simplistic, but usually the simple techniques are the most powerful ones! I look forward to experimenting more with this extrapolation technique.

    • Josh,

      Thank you for taking the time to read and offer up your thoughts.

      You are absolutely correct.

      Like attracts like – and energy flows where attention goes… so by focusing on what you want versus what is showing up in your life now, you will keep manifesting more of what you want versus more of what you already have. More importantly than anything, do as much as you can to be happy and simply feel good, and more experiences that feel good will make their way to you. Allow yourself to have the experiences you want. Everything is possible.

      Please keep me posted on how this is working for you.


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